Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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