Where is the hickey?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
