forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
