Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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