i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
