I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
