Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
