Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
