i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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