Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
