evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
