Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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