He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
