I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
