Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
