I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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