i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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