i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
