I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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