Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
