When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize