I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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