Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
