You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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