Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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