Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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