I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
