yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I understand Curling. That high.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
