just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
