woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
