I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
