You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
