New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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