After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
