oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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