hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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