If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
