i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
