Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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