I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
