considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
