spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I still have a little drunk in my system
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
