I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I need moral support for this bender
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
