Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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