so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Randomize
