Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Randomize
