ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I cut my penus on the lid.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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