I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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