The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
