Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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