I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I party with great urgency now.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
