i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
