How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
