Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
