this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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