Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Girls should come with a carfax report
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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