Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
